Sun-Shiny

In The Lord of the Rings (actually, I just remember it from the movie--I'm not sure if it is in the book) Bilbo says, "It's a risky business, going out your door--you don't know where your feet will take you." Sometimes I feel rather the same about opening my mouth. Sometimes I am surprised by what comes out. Sometimes I cringe.

It is excruciating to say the wrong thing. When I'm nervous I have butterflies in my stomach, but when I am not completely tactful, or offend unintentionally, or speak amiss, or speak at an inopportune moment, afterwards I have worms in my stomach. My oldest sister is a fabulous dresser. Once I mentioned to her that I would like to be as daring with my outfits as she is, but I didn't want to make any mistakes. She replied that she still makes mistakes, and that you have to be willing to make mistakes. It is such a case in saying the wrong thing--I don't want to do it. I don't want to offend. I don't want to do the wrong thing.

Maybe the solution is for me to give up speaking all together. Perhaps I will take up miming. But then suppose I travel to a country with a different culture and start miming to someone and inadvertently make what is an offensive gesture in their culture and offend despite my best efforts. There is no hope for it. I'm just going to have to live through my mistakes and learn from them.

I cannot reasonably expect to go throughout my life without saying something I wish I had not said, or had said differently, or had said at a different moment. I cannot reasonably expect to go throughout my life as a mime. On the other hand I can reasonably expect to do my best each day at communicating what I really mean. Probably I will get better. I can live with that.